So there I was. Sunday evening sat in front of the TV when the most disturbing news of recent times came over the airwaves. I am referring of course to the sad loss of Wagner from X Factor. How dare they, I mean just, how dare they? They even got rid of the talented and interesting, although publicly reviled, (for some reason) Katy Waissel....Weasle.....Wassel. Ho, you know who I mean. Thus, the result of all this means that X Factor once again achieves the high levels of banality and mundane that it has always strived to achieve. And every year succeeds in doing. So will I now stop watching, is this the end of X Factor and me? Unfortunately that is not a luxury I am afforded due to my lovely wife being addicted to it. We live in a small flat so there's no sanctuary that I can run and hide in.
Now for something slightly more serious and socially relevant. Though the above paragraph covers a subject that some people consider more important than anything else. Sad but true I'm afraid. Just another example of how shallow, pitifully empty and morally void society has become. Just like my next subject. The irresponsible father of 14 bastard children (some reports say it's more like 17)
Come on people, how long are we gonna fund these morons. The guy is unemployed, supposedly claiming disability for a bad back. Knocking up women 14-17 times I'm not surprised his back hurts. Currently 4 of his children haven't even been born yet, that's 4 women that he's knocked up in the last 9 month's. This is just insane, why hasn't he had his balls cut out and fed to a malnourished dog in Battersea Dogs Home. Him and his morally devoid kind are laughing at us decent folk, they think we're idiots, and I'm starting to think they're right. The government needs to act now to stop this insanity. We, the good people of this once great country, are becoming an endangered species. Just look at the numbers.
A working family tends to have 1 - 3 children as that is all most can afford both financially and time wise, we work 8 - 12 (sometimes more) hours a day so how can we divide our time between more than a few kids without denying them valuable love and support. So, in short, the good folks have 1 - 3 children. Meanwhile, down in the dregs of society amongst the lowlife and the terminally stupid, we find the folks at the bottom of the ladder. Who, from birth to death, live off the people. And how many children do you think they have. Being, as they are, so concerned with the well being of their offspring. 1 maybe 2? OK, just look at the example above for a closer estimate. This is how it is, this is the truth of it. A young woman will have a kid at 16 - 18 to some guy or other, he may stay around for a while but then again he may just bugger off. If he stays one or both of them will never work (or have a small part time job at best) Now do you think they will think twice about having another one, will they hell. Why would they? After all the government just rewarded them for being stupid in the first place so they will figure (quite rightly so) that the same government will reward them double for being twice as stupid. This is the good end of the dark spectrum. The bad end is when the mum is left alone. Most of the time she will never work. What she will do though is get a council flat, move in with baby, find a new bloke, move him in, get knocked up again, bloke moves out leaving mum and baby alone again. Only this time the baby quota has doubled. A few years down the line and said mum has had 5 kids to 3 guys and is still alone with the children. When the children have been dragged up to a point where they no longer find a need to bunk off school and can now get money of the people (sorry I mean government) Whats one of the first things they do in their so called adult years. They get (or get a girl) pregnant, after all mum did it and managed OK so why shouldn't they. I mean, babies are cute right! All you have to do is buy them really cute clothes, that you can't really afford because you don't have a job, and show them off to your friends. This is what most think, it's when the reality sets in with the sleepless nights and the screaming and crying that things start to go wrong. As if they were ever gonna go right. By the time the kid is 4 it thinks its name if F~~~OFF, Little Slut, Bastard or any number of colourful phrases these fine examples of humanity adopt. This of course is a worse case scenario, but one that I have witnessed first hand down the road from my first house. Nice neighbourhood!
So lets have a short maths lesson 10 good families have between 1 and 3 kids. Averaging out at 2 each, so that's 20 kids replacing (when they die of course) 20 adults. So far so good, all is balanced within the force. Then we look at the dark side.
10 totally crap families/single parents have between 3-5 kids (lets keep the numbers low for arguments sake) giving us and average of 4 each. That means we have 40 kids replacing 15 (allowing for the single parents) Take this to the next generation and what do we have (allowing for the exceptions to the rule on both sides) We would have roughly....
On the good side. Still 20 kids, as some would have more but some would decide to place career first and not have any.
On the bad side. We now have roughly 80+
Take this over several generations and there isn't enough tax money to pay for them all so the country falls into complete chaos. Anyone earning anything would have to live in a fortress to stop the breeding scum from stealing all that they own.
So what do we do when people who don't care breed like maggots on a week old corpse? There's only one thing we can do.
Clean away the corpse and starve the maggots out of existence.
Speaking of starving maggots, what about these student protests.
Good on the police for locking them down and keeping them trapped in the street. Let them freeze. This is just another example of people wanting the state to provide for their children. Sorry folks but if you have kids then they are your responsibility not the states. From birth you should be saving for their adult lives. Whether its university fees or just some money to help them on the property ladder, its your responsibility. No more nanny state, kill the nanny and give the kids back to mum and dad.
If you cant afford them then don't have them (I think that was also the message above) There will be exceptions to the case as in all things, this is where the government needs to make allowances but in most cases. Make them pay. With the money mum and dad have saved for them over the last 18 years plus the money they have from their part time jobs (yeah you heard me right you bunch of lazy loafers) combined with the money mum and dad will still be sending to help out, they will be able to afford it. If not then sell a few body parts on the black market, that should sort them out.
One final note....
This morning I traversed the barriers of space and time to go back to Imperial China circa 908 am. While there I ran into the Emperor himself, he looked at me rather oddly (as most people do) and then said to me, "Chow lung ko pa. Ying ta low fung pa chi!"
To which I replied, "Ying pow nam po, chick flied lice, pang cho!" At this point his imperial advisor turned up and said to us both, "Kam yip kung po chi!"
Of course we all fell about laughing, such hilarity......I suppose you had to be there.
The Voice has spoken
Till next time......
Tuesday 30 November 2010
Sunday 21 November 2010
Wagner for Priminister
Ok so heres the deal Sparky. Reality TV is a curse and a blight on our once great nations TV schedules. There was a time when British TV was known as some of the best in the world but, thanks to endless reality bull, I would say that is no wher near the case now.
BUT....
If we are to be blighted by this nonsence then it may as well be entertaining and stuff those who take it too seriously. Lets face it crap factor is taken way too seriously by its audience. For proof of this just listen to the audience after the performances of each act. There we have the acts, singing as they do every week one song after another. Then once the song is finished it doesn't matter how good or bad, how perfect or flawed the crowd go wild and what do they do if the judges critisise the act. They boo. I mean come on, we have 2 proffesional record producers and a couple of eye candy that have a few hits to their name but are nothing more than showcases for other peoples writing talents but, are successful in there careers no less. Between them they know more about the music bussiness than the entire audience put together and yet the audience boos like a bunch of kids at a christmas pantomine when the bad guy comes on stage.
I mean come on people, grow up.
This year though (forced to watch due to external forces guiding my life. In other words my dear wife) there is one truly enjoyable charecter amongst the drones that make up the finalists and his name is Wagner The Invincible. After we lost the other 2 entertaining acts early on (Diva Feva and the amazingly unapologeticly arrogant Nicolo) This crazy Brazillian is the one shining star amongst a bunch of (good singers but) possitivly dull performers.
Like the KitKat advert from years ago (If memory serves, I'm sure it was KitKat) with the punk band and the record producer. He cant sing, he cant dance......He'll go a long way.
Now I know that he's been kept in by the Wagner devotees banding together to try to sabotage the show but I'm all for it. Like I said above this show and its audience take the whole affair way too seriously.
Last week Aiden, the human vibrator, was kicked off the show (thank god) and people are kicking up a fuss about it. Come on peeps, the judges may have thought he was intense but could you imagine watching that guy shake himself to bits on stage for a full 2 hour show. No way. People would walk out after the first 20 minutes bored out of their heads, he may have been 'intense' but after a couple of songs he's bloody boring. Good ridence.
As I write Paige has just been given the boot, shame as he's a boat load better than teeny rap queen Cher but hey, niether would have won so it was inevitable.
So back to Wagner. Hes fun, hes entertaining and he's like the drunken uncle everyone loves, at a wedding who keeps grabbing the mike and doing his Elvis bit.
He wont be a pop star but I can see him performing on Blackpool pier for the next 20 years and doing summer holiday camp tours because the guy is just endlessly entertaining.
As for the show itself well.......
All they want is a puppet, it doesnt matter how much talent the winner has or how original they want to be its what Mr Cowel wants that's important. He just wants to give them a song to sing and for them to sing it. As I called them in a paragraph above, all they want are mindless drones that they can manipulate and control without question.
This year of though the show has shown its true colours.
Im talking of One Direction. The show from the start is meant to be a place for exhisting groups and singers to flex their vocal cords but here we have a group (a product) that Simon has put together from a bunch of kids that entered the show seperately. Win or lose they will be put out there for the young girls to devour, this was on the wall from the beginning. Simon and the show manufactured this product and threw it into the mix and no one seems to care so it just goes to show how little the viewers care about the actual rules of the show (like when One Direction sang kids in america as part of American Icons, or whatever it was, week. Its an English song)
So there you have it, the voice has spoken.
Show crap, audience like children and Wagner for Priminister.
Till next time.......
BUT....
If we are to be blighted by this nonsence then it may as well be entertaining and stuff those who take it too seriously. Lets face it crap factor is taken way too seriously by its audience. For proof of this just listen to the audience after the performances of each act. There we have the acts, singing as they do every week one song after another. Then once the song is finished it doesn't matter how good or bad, how perfect or flawed the crowd go wild and what do they do if the judges critisise the act. They boo. I mean come on, we have 2 proffesional record producers and a couple of eye candy that have a few hits to their name but are nothing more than showcases for other peoples writing talents but, are successful in there careers no less. Between them they know more about the music bussiness than the entire audience put together and yet the audience boos like a bunch of kids at a christmas pantomine when the bad guy comes on stage.
I mean come on people, grow up.
This year though (forced to watch due to external forces guiding my life. In other words my dear wife) there is one truly enjoyable charecter amongst the drones that make up the finalists and his name is Wagner The Invincible. After we lost the other 2 entertaining acts early on (Diva Feva and the amazingly unapologeticly arrogant Nicolo) This crazy Brazillian is the one shining star amongst a bunch of (good singers but) possitivly dull performers.
Like the KitKat advert from years ago (If memory serves, I'm sure it was KitKat) with the punk band and the record producer. He cant sing, he cant dance......He'll go a long way.
Now I know that he's been kept in by the Wagner devotees banding together to try to sabotage the show but I'm all for it. Like I said above this show and its audience take the whole affair way too seriously.
Last week Aiden, the human vibrator, was kicked off the show (thank god) and people are kicking up a fuss about it. Come on peeps, the judges may have thought he was intense but could you imagine watching that guy shake himself to bits on stage for a full 2 hour show. No way. People would walk out after the first 20 minutes bored out of their heads, he may have been 'intense' but after a couple of songs he's bloody boring. Good ridence.
As I write Paige has just been given the boot, shame as he's a boat load better than teeny rap queen Cher but hey, niether would have won so it was inevitable.
So back to Wagner. Hes fun, hes entertaining and he's like the drunken uncle everyone loves, at a wedding who keeps grabbing the mike and doing his Elvis bit.
He wont be a pop star but I can see him performing on Blackpool pier for the next 20 years and doing summer holiday camp tours because the guy is just endlessly entertaining.
As for the show itself well.......
All they want is a puppet, it doesnt matter how much talent the winner has or how original they want to be its what Mr Cowel wants that's important. He just wants to give them a song to sing and for them to sing it. As I called them in a paragraph above, all they want are mindless drones that they can manipulate and control without question.
This year of though the show has shown its true colours.
Im talking of One Direction. The show from the start is meant to be a place for exhisting groups and singers to flex their vocal cords but here we have a group (a product) that Simon has put together from a bunch of kids that entered the show seperately. Win or lose they will be put out there for the young girls to devour, this was on the wall from the beginning. Simon and the show manufactured this product and threw it into the mix and no one seems to care so it just goes to show how little the viewers care about the actual rules of the show (like when One Direction sang kids in america as part of American Icons, or whatever it was, week. Its an English song)
So there you have it, the voice has spoken.
Show crap, audience like children and Wagner for Priminister.
Till next time.......
Thursday 18 November 2010
And so it begins.........
A few years ago, 40+ to be precise, the world was changed forever. I WAS BORN!!!!!!
Now that may not mean much to you but, believe me when I say, it was quite a big thing in my life. Up until then things had been quite meaningless for me. A day spent doing the doggy paddle, another spent doing the butterfly. All got to be a bit tiresome and very samey if Im to be honest with you. So like I said. It may not have been that big a thing for everyone else but for me..... Well, my lifes never been the same.
Since then Ive been dragged kicking and screaming from one hole to another until I was finaly dropped from a great height into the dark and empty voide that is The Insane Abyss. It is from here that Ive developed my plan to attain great wealth and incredible power from..
A - World domination
or
B - A local friendly family run launderette franchise.
While sitting here plotting my next move toward untold power I decided to order a pizza and watch a movie. So it was onto Justeat.com to order the food and then slide a blu ray into the machine, sit back and enjoy.
The pizza was fine, the movie was fantastic.
GANGSTER NO. 1
A damn fine example of the great british gangster flick starring Malcom Macdowel and Paul Betteny. It wasn't a great hit at the box office as people were starting to get a bit tired of brit gangsters by the time it was released, which was a great shame as it is one of the best.Macdowel plays the older version of Gangster 1 while Betteny plays the younger, and both play the role brilliantly. A great script, a fitting soundtrack and excellent direction all amount to a thoroughly enjoyable, and very violent at times, movie experience.
On a scale of 1 - 10 this gets a 10 all round.
Couldnt say the same about the pizza. Probably a 7 maybe 7.5 After all it did look like the delivery guy had driven the grand prix before it got here. Know what I mean.
And so it is with these words that I leave you and settle down for a good nights sleep.
As you gaze into the abyss the abyss looks into you, but remember I may be at the bottom so please dont spit (or vomit)
Please leave quietly!
till next time.....
Now that may not mean much to you but, believe me when I say, it was quite a big thing in my life. Up until then things had been quite meaningless for me. A day spent doing the doggy paddle, another spent doing the butterfly. All got to be a bit tiresome and very samey if Im to be honest with you. So like I said. It may not have been that big a thing for everyone else but for me..... Well, my lifes never been the same.
Since then Ive been dragged kicking and screaming from one hole to another until I was finaly dropped from a great height into the dark and empty voide that is The Insane Abyss. It is from here that Ive developed my plan to attain great wealth and incredible power from..
A - World domination
or
B - A local friendly family run launderette franchise.
While sitting here plotting my next move toward untold power I decided to order a pizza and watch a movie. So it was onto Justeat.com to order the food and then slide a blu ray into the machine, sit back and enjoy.
The pizza was fine, the movie was fantastic.
GANGSTER NO. 1
A damn fine example of the great british gangster flick starring Malcom Macdowel and Paul Betteny. It wasn't a great hit at the box office as people were starting to get a bit tired of brit gangsters by the time it was released, which was a great shame as it is one of the best.Macdowel plays the older version of Gangster 1 while Betteny plays the younger, and both play the role brilliantly. A great script, a fitting soundtrack and excellent direction all amount to a thoroughly enjoyable, and very violent at times, movie experience.
On a scale of 1 - 10 this gets a 10 all round.
Couldnt say the same about the pizza. Probably a 7 maybe 7.5 After all it did look like the delivery guy had driven the grand prix before it got here. Know what I mean.
And so it is with these words that I leave you and settle down for a good nights sleep.
As you gaze into the abyss the abyss looks into you, but remember I may be at the bottom so please dont spit (or vomit)
Please leave quietly!
till next time.....
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